do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
