Duck Duck Cougar?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
