we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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