If you die in college, do you die in real life?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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