the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
