in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
