she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
