You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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