Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
