btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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