The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
