did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
