He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
