I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
