Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
