I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
