Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So many bounce houses so little time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
