Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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