oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
