I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
