I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
