There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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