you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
