If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
