found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
