; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
