were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
