i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
