Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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