If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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