Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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