Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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