I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
