I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO