so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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