I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.