my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila