Texts From Last Night

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  (830): View more from Texas

  You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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  (830): You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin http://tfl.nu/1khj
  Replies (7) Good night (853) Bad night (1698)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.

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  (617): Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas. http://tfl.nu/4pw4
  Replies (18) Good night (4627) Bad night (542)
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  (707): View more from California

  that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it

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  (707): that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it http://tfl.nu/zuoy
  Replies (18) Good night (4722) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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  (561): Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade. http://tfl.nu/fybc
  Replies (77) Good night (660) Bad night (7350)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.

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  (501): i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is. http://tfl.nu/pdzt
  Replies (10) Good night (3359) Bad night (1297)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

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  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
  Replies (7) Good night (6036) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (+06): View more from

  We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.

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  (+06): We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away. http://tfl.nu/dvn1
  Replies (13) Good night (6366) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

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  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
  Replies (20) Good night (1093) Bad night (3919)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america

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  (302): Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america http://tfl.nu/uvbf
  Replies (23) Good night (1628) Bad night (4885)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.

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  (406): i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/lrt6
  Replies (5) Good night (3710) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just googled if crying burns calories

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  (416): I just googled if crying burns calories http://tfl.nu/qfsf
  Replies (14) Good night (1034) Bad night (3425)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation

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  (303): there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation http://tfl.nu/pddg
  Replies (1) Good night (2946) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.

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  (509): Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here. http://tfl.nu/v9yq
  Replies (10) Good night (1353) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood

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  (931): there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood http://tfl.nu/qekx
  Replies (6) Good night (452) Bad night (2103)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  wow. THAT good huh

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  (778): he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year (604): wow. THAT good huh http://tfl.nu/7t5m
  Replies (16) Good night (1862) Bad night (469)

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