I'm lost and stupid without you.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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