the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
