Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
