it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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