i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
