Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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