My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
