His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i think my cat just said my name.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
