ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
