Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
