he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
