I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
