I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
