I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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