i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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