I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
