I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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