my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
