We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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