So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE