I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
