I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
