All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.