Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why was I lying under a truck last night?