is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina