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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.

  (407): View more from Florida

  given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was

  (352): View more from Florida

  i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it

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• (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"

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• (916): View more from California

  Sadness tears and throw up everywhere

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell her thanks so much

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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• (845): View more from New York

  then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell

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