Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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