remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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