you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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