her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
