So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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