apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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