Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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