My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
