he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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