Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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