there's paper in my vomit.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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