Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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