if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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