I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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