Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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