Even water is tasting like jack daniels
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
