The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
two words: eviction party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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