I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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