I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
