just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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