the condom got lost in my hair
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
