This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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