you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
