what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I could make wine with my vomit
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
