it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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