You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
